Last night I got that creative itch to move something around, hence the new blog theme. It’s kind of like rearranging furniture but with a whole lot less work.
My daughter Lydia helped me pick out this theme. It’s bold, bright colored…seems to symbolize the direction I’m headed in life.
She commented to me that “Mom…this blog has become a lot more than just you taking a year off from teaching.” “This blog has become a complete change of your whole life…kind of like a whirlwind.”
And I think she’s right.
When I started “off the ride”, I was thinking about taking a year off from teaching, a year at home with my girls to homeschool, travel and just focus in on them. That’s still the plan. But along the way, I’ve started two other blogs and have started a brand new business of private voice and piano lessons which I hope will offer me the chance to have some options after my sabbatical year is over.
Change is on the horizon and it feels good. I feel hopeful. Even my girls sense it. My job will be held for me so I don’t have to make any rash decisions for awhile…but I’m hopeful that I might be able to transition from doing what I am “good at” to what actually brings me fulfillment. I’m learning through this process of change that there is a difference.
I’m also learning that although I’ve always seen my classroom as a mission field and a way to love others for the sake of Christ and in the power of Christ…there are other ways of loving others that might be more effective and might actually be more fulfilling to my soul as well.
Sometimes we get into a groove and think the only way we can have an impact on our world is through one career or method or way of approaching life…I’m realizing that the limitations I feel are not limitations that God has a problem with.
I can love others well…even if I’m an at home mom, homeschooling my own two children and giving private lessons. You couldn’t have any more of an extreme change. Currently, I see over 500 children a week. Soon…I will be down to 10 or 20 most likely. Huge changes. I’m ready to try it from the other side for awhile.
Sometimes we have to sit back and actually take some time to deal with the dissatisfaction in our lives and not just stuff it down or over spiritualize it.
Sometimes we have to stop the buck up and push through method I’ve spent my whole life doing.
What if life wasn’t meant to be lived that way. What if life could actually be satisfying. That sentence looks wrong to me. I grew up in a time when we focused hard on taking up our cross and following Christ and that was made to feel like it couldn’t possibly be satisfying. Oh how I wish I could’ve really been in the room when Jesus was here in person. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed something by not being able to observe Him in the flesh myself.
I do have eternity for that I guess.
I haven’t even gone on sabbatical yet, but it’s obvious to me, and to my girls that this year off thing is far more than a year off, vacation. This year off is a way of completely changing my life and heading it in a new direction. This year off is about me stopping and learning one tiny step at a time about who I am and what actually brings me fulfillment and satisfaction while loving others well. I can have both. Kind of a have your cake and eat it too situation. I never thought that would really be possible. Sounds dumb of me, but I think I was just raised to think that I was to put my self aside and somehow not supposed to care about the feelings and desires inside of myself and to only care about others if I was to be a real follower of Christ.
These days I’m thinking God is big enough to satisfy and fulfill me even while I follow after Him. It’s a relief.
I often wonder if I’m the only person who feels the way I do. I don’t see many people make the kind of radical changes I’m making. It’s not going to be easy, and I don’t have guarantees…but I feel compelled to see it through. When you become miserable enough you finally realize that change is possible. That’s where I am. I’m feeling that new ways of living are possible.
This new blog theme seemed to reflect that feeling, those words…just visually. Enjoy.